I shall have to inform you that there will not be any new posts until medio July at the very earliest.  You see, I am currently participating in what the Norwegian Armed Forces refer to as Felles Opptak og Seleksjon.  It is a three week ordeal during which roughly 1500 applicants are deemed either fit or unfit for service within various sections of the Norwegian military.  As a sergeant, then, it is part of my work to see my share of the young hopefuls through the initial part of the selection process.

I shall have returned by medio July!

Published in: on June 22, 2009 at 22:30  Comments (1)  

A Rant About Boxxy And Women

The protagonist of today’s post is a somewhat dated web celebrity and, I must admit, quite far from what one would call mainstream.  Chances are you haven’t even heard of her, and if you have you’re likely to have forgotten all about her by now, in which case I commend you for your sterling selective memory.  She is, however, very relevant to the point I shall make.  Bear in mind then that the post, like the protagonist, is slightly vintage.  No matter, on to the post itself:

Beware of the Boxxy

Innocence itself

Boxxy, Bawksy, MoldyLunchboxx, The Queen of YouTube. The wench has many names, but they are all synonymous in their ability to evoke passionate feelings of dislike as well as praise.  In my mind, she calls forth feelings so vile and dark, the crew of Dimmu Borgir would wet their studded leather pants were they to catch only the slightest glimpse of it.  If I had to give my feelings for Boxxy a colour, it would be the blackest of blacks.  Contrarily though, quite a lot of other Internet creatures have claimed their unequivocal love for the girl and her ways to be both honest and true.

Fan clubs have spawned, each member of said clubs even more deprived of social interaction and sexual experience than the next.  Actually, their lack of successful interaction with members of the opposite sex is probably why they’re so easily fascinated by the likes of Boxxy.

Boxxy sans makeup

Boxxy sans make-up

To this very day, her user profile on YouTube is the #1 most popular profile listed by number of subscribers.  For the Celestial Tea Pot’s sake, the girl has over a million views on most of her videos!  Bobbie Johnson makes a good point about how even the most indistinguishable of individuals can rise to insane levels of fame on the Internet for no discernable reason, while The Boxxy Story chronicles the rise and fall of Boxxy as a phenomenon and a meme.

But forget about whats-her-face for a minute, this isn’t a rant about her any more than it is a rant about how half the world’s e-population would choke on their Mountain Dew if they knew she was only 16 when they last masturbated to her photo.  I shall pose the question; why do I dislike her ilk with such ferocity?  Others seem to embrace the spazzy, attention-whoring gigglish nature of so many girls, so why shouldn’t I do the same?  For starters, I’m not a sexually deprived tool.

Another reason is that she reminds me of how men are the true unfortunate sex.  You see, a good looking woman or girl can get pretty much anything she desires, even if she does have the personal worth of a house-fly.  Of course this necessitates the presupposition that her targets are insecure men or boys who simply don’t know they’re being played.  Take into consideration though that naive men are more abundant than homosexuals at a Westlife consert, and you will come to understand that nothing short of world domination is within a pretty woman’s grasp.  One might be tempted to argue that the same could be said for any attractive man with his wits about him, but then one would also have to casually dismiss the fact that any woman with half a tit to her name also possesses the ability to see through a male’s attempt to manipulate her like Superman sees through bricks.

The pathetic nature of most men is enough to make one’s blood boil.  Even worse is how so many women take advantage of it, bothers me to no end it does. When other women see men acting in such a way, it alters the way they perceive, and by causality react to, the men in their own lives.  I would postulate that unless our society makes for some radical changes in the immediate future regarding the “respect and equality” given so freely to whining women around the globe, we could have a societal collapse on our hands.  It would be the direct result of men possessing cerebral abilities on par with that of a freshly peeled radish being allowed to copulate freely. After all, only brain dead charlies will want to have children with the women of today. This means that the only ones to procreate will be republicans and people who watch MTV, and I know for a damn fact we do NOT need more of those!

Guess which one watches Paradise Hotel

Guess which one watches Paradise Hotel

Mankind shall inherit the earth, but by the looks of it we’ll revert back to apes before we ever get to the bloody will. No, the devolution of our species hasn’t reached critical mass just yet.  There are still people around who manage to eat their Monday morning cereal without choking to death on a sugar puff. But that will soon come to an end unless something is done about vixens and their steel grip on our collective testi.  By the looks of it then, one should be tempted to step up on the nearest soap box and proclaim the start of a resistance movement.  But that would be wrong.  You see, women aren’t wicked for manipulating men.  It is we who are too mentally challenged to do anything about it.

The Ego Hath Landed

All right.  I shall start this off with a brief, and dare I say quite honest, introduction.  My name is Øystein, and I am a guy.  I know this because last time I took a shower, there was no conditioner in sight, nor were there any expensive creams or lotions to remove all signs of age from my rugged man-face.  As of writing I am 23 years of age and on my way to becoming a sergeant of the RNoAF.  My working days are spent scurrying about some military establishment wherein I absorb information like the obedient sponge I am. Extracurricular activities include hanging out with the people I care about – and sometimes with people I don’t care about – working out, watching the latest movies, pursuing general fulfillment in life and a plethora of other activities I shan’t bother to list.

So what will I fill the pages of this blog with then?  There is already a jungle of blogs out there; blogs where people write to tell you how their latest trip to the Zoo went, or how wonderful it is to have your toenails clipped by a Thai woman.  Lots of useless garbage in other words; garbage I intend not to contribute to. It would seem then, that a diary where I chronicle all the exciting aspects of my everyday existence, is out of the question.  What about a blog discussing the finer details of French cuisine, so that people with silk scarves and berets can giggle their way through my witty commentary?  Or I could write about dogs.  Plenty of people like dogs.  The only catch is that they’re all complete berks.  Most of them are named Steve and enjoy going for long jogs at four thirty in the morning and topping it off by letting their hairy pet take a gargantuan dump on my front lawn.  So that is out of the question then.

Come to think of it; limiting myself to only one general area of blogging seems awfully boring.  I shall therefore write about anything that catches my interest, no matter how serious, or light-hearted, the subject at hand may be!  Nothing shall be safe from my inquisitive quill, and I shall attack each post with great ferocity.  Politics, religion, women and their hormones, old people, berks wearing anoraks, they shall all be equally valid subject matters!  Granted, I don’t know much about any of the aforementioned, but that never stopped anyone else, so why should I be deterred.  Excellent, this is shaping out quite nicely.

Now, some of the stuff I write might provoke you, or perhaps even cause a minor ulcer to develop.  As I mentioned above, I might not have the slightest bit of insight into whatever it is I’m rambling on about.  But I can promise you this; I shall write about it with a burning interest so fierce in nature that it will make King Leonidas’ pep talk to the 300 look like an AA meeting.  Hopefully, it will spark a little creative thought in that damp sponge you call a brain, in which case we’ll have a win-win situation.  I am of course insinuating that you might want to leave your commentary at the bottom of the post relevant to your interests.

As for regularity, I will try to have a new post up either weekly or bi-weekly, depending on my schedule.  The military has a tendency to plan poorly, and of course us lower ranked minions are the ones who have to suffer the consequences.